Remember, our natural posture is to cover and hide. Being vulnerable is hard. We fear being judged and condemned. If our immediate response to vulnerability is rebuke, we might never experience that person opening up to us again.
Yes, rebuke is a Bible word, and there are times when rebuking, correcting and admonishing is necessary, but it shouldn’t be our default. We should be slow and thoughtful about how we do this. If we launch right into rebuke, the person will not experience compassion, empathy, love. There are many stories in the life of Jesus as he talks with sinners where rebuke is not his initial response.
Careless rebuke can often come across as though we ourselves are not in need of the gospel, as though we are not struggling sinners who need a Saviour. Once again, we create a coming from above and looking down posture.
Rebuke, isolated from the truths and comforts of the gospel, doesn’t meet the person where they are at, but only demands they get to the place they are meant to be. It can also inadvertently claim “I am already there, I have arrived, I am where I am meant to be”. This kind of rebuke fails to take in the humble gentleness called for in Galatians 6v1:
If anyone is caught in any transgression,
you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.
Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
If I’m struggling with doubt, fear, anger, I don’t tend to move towards the person whose default response will be to just “sort me out” by rebuking me.
I know I’ve rebuked too quickly. I can remember moments of deep vulnerability where all someone received from me was a furrowed brow, a stern tone and a challenge to not sin. How little I reflected the grace of Christ in those moments. How unhelpful. How callous I must have appeared.
Who am I more likely to talk to? Someone who is humble. Someone who embodies the fact that they are fellow sinners in daily need of God’s grace. Someone who will gently point me to Jesus and the forgiveness and strength found in the gospel.
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