If you want someone to stop being vulnerable; say something like:
I can’t believe you would do something like that.
I wouldn’t expect that from you.
I would never do something like that.
We are all sinners. We are all still struggling against the flesh. We are all failing in different areas. What we unwittingly communicate, when we say something like the above, is geared towards exasperating someone’s sense of guilt and shame. The fact that they have had the courage to be vulnerable with you likely means they have already fought through those feelings.
Again, judging is a bible word and a bible principle. However, there are clear, wise, loving steps to take in how we go about judging. Judging is always meant to be aimed at humbly and lovingly restoring someone.
Think about how the high priest treated fellow sinners according to Hebrews 5:2:
He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward,
since he himself is beset with weakness.
We are deeply needy people listening to a deeply needy person talk about their neediness. That should always be our posture.
I tend to gravitate away from the people I know would speak to me in judgmental ways when it comes to talking about my sin. I already know it’s wrong. I’m already wrestling with a sense of guilt and shame.
I know I’ve judged. I’ve offered people the shocked expressions and the “I’m surprised/disappointed” remarks before. Jesus already knew these things about them and he loved them and was patiently working in them. Meanwhile I was acting as if I wasn’t a sinner. How hypocritical and unhelpful of me.
Who am I more likely to talk to? Someone who is humble enough to be real about the fact that they are sinners talking to another sinner. Someone who will treat my vulnerability with compassion and point me to the love and grace of God in the gospel. Someone who will pray for me and help me overcome this area of weakness or sin in my life.
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